Scars
by AngstyCanadianGleek
Summary: Santana and Kurt know Rachel is hiding something but they weren't prepared for the painful truth. Can Santana help Rachel find peace and secure enough to embrace herself? Includes mentions of a hate crime and homophobia. One-shot story. Pezberry with a side of Quitt.


**Kurt and Santana are sure Rachel Berry is a closeted lesbian but what they don't understand is why she is too scared to come out. After all, this is Rachel Berry. Are they ready to hear the truth of what happened that forced Rachel Berry to remain in the closet? What happens when Santana comes home after Kurt confronts her about it? **

**Mentioned past Faberry**

**Minor Quitt**

**Major Pezberry :) **

Colourful… characters on the subway. People in New York were so different than the people in Lima. One guy was singing into a grocery bag, a woman sat with her legs crossed as she glared angrily at the pro-choice poster and three young nuns sat huddled together deep in prayer as a man in a skin-tight dress and long beard sat beside them clutching hands with another man. The subway would occasionally announce upcoming stops but the sound of static made it impossible to understand and each announcement just brought panic to people as they tried desperately to figure whether they needed to get off or not.

Santana was exhausted. She didn't want to go to work that day, especially after she and Kurt had been up until nearly three am trying to figure out why exactly Kurt was under the impression Rachel Berry was a lesbian.

The idea had been so absurd to Santana that it took her several moments of laughter to realise that Kurt was being completely honest. He actually thought Rachel was gay.

"She was drunk and admitted to being a virgin the other night. When I reminded her that she had had sex with Finn, she said 'ew' and that that had never happened. That they made it up," Kurt had said the night before.

But this really didn't make any sense. Rachel Berry was open about everything. The woman was an open book. Sometimes Santana wondered if one day, she'd come home to have Rachel announce a glorious shit she'd taken or something equally personal and potentially mortifying.

Rachel grew up with two gay dads, so why would she be anything less than completely and possibly overly open about her own sexuality? Heck, why didn't Rachel try to convince the school to host a pride event? And she was always talking about boys; Finn especially. It could get annoying sometimes.

But, since Kurt mentioned seeing Rachel checking out girls when no one was looking, Santana had to admit that she had seen it too. Heck, she'd seen it today at work when she'd arrived to relieve Rachel but today was the first time it actually registered in her mind as to why Rachel was staring at that girl's chest as she took her money and then blushed crimson when the girl in question winked back.

She didn't know whether to not to leave them alone and see if Rachel would try to score her digits or what? But it also made her realise she'd seen this happen several times in the past without really registering it in her mind until now. Rachel checks out girls and she wasn't subtle about it because it was probably unconscious but she never gave the guys a second look.

There was also the incident when Rachel had walked in the bathroom to find Santana naked and had been so disorientated by the sight that she'd walked into a wall in an attempt to make a hasty retreat while stammering out apologies while she blush was so deep, it actually turned her throat red.

But again, why would Rachel Berry want to hide so badly. As much as Santana wanted to deny Kurt's words, the evidence was there and it was almost obvious but Rachel wasn't open and as she thought about it, she realised Rachel never seemed too excited or even interested when talked about boys. In fact, it seemed like something she rushed in an attempt to get it over with so she could talk about the things she _really_ wanted to talk about.

Ugh, she thought it was frustrating when she tried to figure out her own sexuality but this was ridiculous. If Rachel Berry was gay, why wouldn't she be open about it like she was with everything else? Even lies about her sex life… What else has Rachel Berry been lying about? Has Rachel had sex with a woman? Was she dating a woman? Why the secrets? This was not the Rachel Berry she knew.

What's worse is nothing had been confirmed and Santana was already going on as though Rachel had confirmed it to her face. As though Rachel had already sat down and told her she was gay.

But the evidence was there. Rachel might not be _gay_ but she sure wasn't _straight_ as she let on. That much Santana was willing to bet. But regardless, the diva didn't seem to be able to be open with it and going out of her way to hide it. That wasn't like Rachel. Or was her unusual openness with everything else simply a diversion. Keep the line of vision on one hand so you don't see what the other hand is doing? If that was the case then Rachel was brilliant.

Arriving home, Santana reflected upon her shift and how much she hated Fridays. Someone had gotten sick in the toilets, a crappy nappy was left on a table and six people had complained that their salads had come without meat, despite the fact that the meat had to be added separately.

Then, a group came from the pub crawl and the rest of the day went down the toilet as she was swamped by people who were too drunk to make coherent orders and several of them were so far gone that they seemed to have forgotten that they had ordered food at all. She found herself frequently reminding herself that strangling customers would get her fired… And arrested.

The apartment was quiet when she arrived home, which was odd because usually Rachel and Kurt were watching musicals in their pyjamas, usually singing loudly or criticizing everyone on stage and Santana would always get roped into watching because she had nothing better to do with her time and as much as she loathed to admit it, she enjoyed watching them. Perhaps not as much as them but she enjoyed the shows none the less… Not that she'd admit it but they knew and even brought her pyjamas for these nights.

But tonight, Kurt sat on the couch, his pale face in his hands and it was obvious he was crying. A site Santana so seldom saw but by his posture, she knew something was very wrong.

"Kurt? What's wrong?"

Kurt looked up startled before he urged Santana to sit down.

"I confronted Rachel… About what we talked about last night," Kurt said, shuddering.

"Did she admit to being…"

"No… At least not in so many words but after a bit, I'm confident she is but she showed me something, Santana… It's really bad…. I can't go into it… I'll be sick but you need to talk to her. Ask her to show you her back," Kurt said his voice sounding so broken. "I'm confident she's gay but after what she showed me, I don't think she's going to be able to accept this easily. Not without a fight."

"Kurt…"

"Please, just talk to her. She's pretty upset but it's clear she's not talking to me at the moment," Kurt said, he looked so helpless and lost. "I pushed too hard. She showed me because she was mad… Or I think she was more scared than anything."

Santana went to the bathroom, took her uniform and put on some sweats and a t-shirt; by the sound of things, she was going to either be in for a long discussion or a long, restless night.

Going to Rachel's room, she braced herself for the unknown as she knocked lightly on Rachel's door before announcing she was going in. The first thing she noticed was a hole in the plaster beside Rachel's bed and a sweater by the window where it had most likely been thrown. The next, and most alarming, thing was Rachel sitting on her bed, cradling her swollen, bleeding hand, sniffling softly as though she hadn't noticed Santana's presence.

_Great. I'm going to have to make sure that's not broken before I can even talk to her. Please, don't be broken because Rachel looks miserable enough without having to wear a cast. _

"Rachel, let me see your hand," Santana said as she kneeled in front of Rachel, almost tempted to ask to see the back at the same time but she was sure by Kurt's reaction, she was going to have to brace for whatever was on her back. Though, she was confused and had no idea what that could possibly mean, she was more concerned with the swelling of Rachel's hand.

Rachel's face twisted with many emotions before the pain became too much and Rachel surrendered her hand to Santana. Santana took the hand as gently as she could and examined it, finding a few bits of plaster but no evidence of it being broken.

"Wiggle your fingers," Santana said, just to be sure and when the fingers wiggled without Rachel expressing too much pain, she pulled the diva to her feet and guided her to the bathroom.

There were dried tears on her face and her face was filled with so many emotions, that Santana couldn't tell where one ended and another began.

_Ugh. Dammit, Kurt. This is _not _what I wanted to deal with today! You couldn't have done this tomorrow? But now I'm too worried to not be involved. _

"Sit on the toilet, Rachel and let me see your hand. I need to get the plaster out," Santana said, feeling her heart go out to the girl and feeling confused as to why Rachel would react so strongly to being asked if she was gay. Clearly, the girl was upset about it but the question was _why_? What exactly had Kurt said?

As Santana worked with the tweezers, she whispered softly about anything else to help the girl relax as she had begun trembling the second the tweezers came near her.

"Relax, it'll be fine Berry."

When she was done, she took a cloth, washed the little cuts before guiding Rachel to her room and setting the diva on her bed. She was going to talk to Rachel, the girl had punched a wall, so clearly, she needed to get this out too and by putting her in her own room, she was illuminating any chance of Rachel closing her out physically. She returned with some frozen peas and placed them on Rachel's hand.

"Take off the shirt," Santana said suddenly, spotting the blood on Rachel's sleeve and using it as a gateway to see Rachel's back.

"Kurt told you."

It wasn't a question; it was a statement.

"He said there was something I'd want to see there but there's blood on your sleeve. Just show me. I got the impression from him that whatever's there is pretty bad," Santana said, kneeling before Rachel once more, making her face as unintimidating as possible.

"I'll let you wear my Bon Jovi t-shirt," Santana said, smirking when she saw she'd won Rachel over with that one. Rachel adored Bon Jovi and drooled over the shirt whenever she saw it. Santana liked to joke that it was the site of her in it despite the fact that she saw her staring at it in the hamper once. For a second, she found herself wondering if Rachel ever checked _her_ out. Did Rachel think about her that way? She was going to have to ask once this discussion was over; maybe another day.

But there was still reluctance in her eyes.

"I won't tell anyone what's on your back," Santana said, walking over to her drawer and grabbing the mentioned t-shirt and holding it out. When Rachel held out her hand, Santana pulled the shirt back indicating she had to take her shirt off first.

When Rachel lifted the top off, Santana held her breath, unsure of what to expect but when Rachel turned around and her back became visible, she found her legs going weak and jiggly.

Suddenly, Rachel's reluctance made sense. It made so much sense. But now her stomach was leaping and not in a good way as she stared at the result of hatred and ignorance burnt literally into Rachel's back. It was all she could do to keep herself from throwing up or crying at the site before her.

_Fag Baby_

_Devil Spawn_

She couldn't help herself, she reached out and touch the scars that looked years old. Rachel shivered at the unexpected touch before she yanked the shirt on before Santana could look any longer.

"Who did that?"

She was surprised by how badly she wanted to find who did this to her friend and end them. Because what she was seeing was _unthinkable._ She was a bully to the diva in high school but she would have never dreamed of doing something so atrocious and hateful and completely horrible. Hell, even _then_ she would have called the person who did this a monster. No, these scars were old; very old and stretched, implying that the skin had grown, so she must have been smaller when that happened so… someone did that to a child and most likely it was an adult.

"A family that lived in Lima when I was small. They left when I was eleven but not because giving me this 'gift'. It's the only time they ever touched me," Rachel said sadly, tears streaming down her eyes as Santana lifted the back of the shirt to get a closer look. "Didn't want me to taint them."

What kind of sick monster could do this to an eleven-year-old _child_? It was cruel heinous, disgusting and made her want to throw up. But to think about doing it to an eleven-year-old was beyond what her mind would even allow her to picture and she didn't want to. She didn't want to picture little Rachel crying in that kind of pain.

"What'd your dads say?"

"They never knew. I didn't tell them; I was too scared they would make good on their threats," Rachel said. "I don't know why I'm telling you this. I…"

"You clearly need to get it out of your system," Santana said quickly, grabbing Rachel's hand and rubbing circles on the back of it. "They threatened you…"

"No, they threatened me and my dads and my family. The threats though… they were so violent and cruel. And I was more worried about my dads," Rachel said honestly. "After all, my dads were trying to 'gay up the town' and I was just the result of 'homosexual breeding' and I deserved to be killed at birth and I was just going to turn out gay and corrupt their children and they would find me and… and…"

Santana heard enough and she grabbed Rachel's face in her hands and forced the girl to look into her eyes.

"They are monsters. Bigoted monsters. They deserve to rot in prison for what they did to you. It's inexcusable. And they're wrong," Santana said sternly, watching Rachel's eyes carefully.

"I know but that doesn't make the memories go away, now does it? The nightmares?" Rachel said, looking intensively into Santana's eyes.

"No, it doesn't," Santana agreed quietly. "Rachel?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you gay?"

The question slipped out and there was no taking it back now. Rachel's face paled drastically and she looked like she was a terrified woodland creature about to run back into the forest. Like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Excuse me? What did you say?"

Rachel's voice was high with panic and she spoke as though she was hoping Santana would correct herself and say something different but she wasn't going to do that. She needed to know, now especially, so she could figure out the best way to help Rachel through this. Because Rachel _was_ going to need help and she wanted to help the best way she could.

"I want you to admit you're gay," Santana whispered, knowing the accusation was bold but she wouldn't be making it if she wasn't as sure as she was and Rachel's expression of complete terror was almost complete confirmation. Afterall, actions speak louder than words.

"N-no. I c-can't," Rachel stammered, her body now shaking with terror and fear.

"Why not?" Santana gently prompted, accepting Rachel's words as confirmation to her theory. It may not have been intended but confirmation regardless.

"Because… The nightmares… They'll only get worse… We agreed… Not. In Lima… But the nightmares… They didn't stop… It'll only get worse! I can't! Don't make me… Please… Don't make me…"

Rachel's words were choppy as the girl began shaking and sobbing so harshly. The sound broke Santana's heart but the words only further confirmed her suspicion: Rachel Berry was gay. Who would have known the girl who had helped her come out was a closet lesbian herself?

"Okay… I won't make you," Santana says in a startled tone as Rachel only begins sobbing harder and leaves her wondering if the diva is going to make herself sick from sobbing so hard. "Come here, Rachel."

She pulls the girl into her arms and holds on tight as the girl sobs so hard that she can feel her own body shaking. She feels Rachel's arms snake around her and clutch the back of her shirt as she sobbed into her shoulder.

"I'm so sorry you went through that but everything is fine. You are safe, your fathers are safe; everyone is safe and everything is fine. Focus on my voice, Rachel. Everything is fine," Santana said, having dealt with these sort of attacks from Quinn all the time after Beth was born. Not about something so violent but there were moments when Quinn would sob uncontrollably and she comforted her.

"I'm sorry for being a pain," Rachel said once she calmed down.

"You're not a pain. In fact, in the future, I want you to find me whenever you have a nightmare."

"I have them often," Rachel said honestly.

"Then, I expect you to _find me_ often," Santana countered with a smile on her face as she hugged the crying diva closer.

"Are you sure?" Rachel asked, clearly worried about being a bother. Santana knew that she was essentially giving the girl permission to come in and wake her up at ungodly hours but she was sure this was what she wanted because she wanted to help Rachel become comfortable enough to be able to accept herself and after all, she had done to help her with this very matter… It was more than worth it.

"Rachel, I'm sure. I want to help you get through this. And when you're ready to come out, let me know; I'll help you," Santana said honestly.

"That won't be for a long time. I'm just… not ready," Rachel said absentmindedly; probably without thinking but Santana knew what it meant, even if Rachel wasn't aware of what she'd just confessed but still…

"Rachel… You just did it and you didn't even realise it. But I'll keep it to myself for now until your ready. It'll be between me and you," Santana said, still feeling proud of the diva, even though she clearly had not meant to admit to anything, it was a sign that on _some level_ the diva was ready or at the very least tired of hiding. Santana gave Rachel an encouraging smile as she watched as the realization hit her. She had just, sort of, came out to Santana.

"Oh."

The blush on Rachel's cheeks told how surprised she was but there was a glimmer of mild relief in her eyes.

"See? Not so scary," Santana said, giving Rachel a knowing glance.

"I can't help but be scared."

Santana wasn't surprised by this. Rachel had after all been traumatized by these monsters and left scared of her own sexuality. She had seen and lived through a side of homophobia that would scar anyone.

"I know. That's why I'm offering to be there with you when you do come out. Maybe start with Kurt…"

"Maybe. But not now."

"Kurt already knows," Santana said, causing Rachel to panic before she seemed to realise how much sense that actually made.

"I know," Rachel said finally. "I'm just… I'm not ready to…"

"Say it out loud." Rachel smiled when Santana finished for her when her own words seemed to fail her. "But when you are ready to say it out loud, say it to me first. Okay?"

"Deal."

"Okay, now I need to get my eats on and I'm going to feed you as well," Santana said smiling as she pulled Rachel up and into the kitchen. They spent the rest of the night watching movies, eating soup and comparing their experiences with the subways; they had all met some…

That night, Rachel went to bed feeling tense after her conversation but filled with a small amount of weight off her shoulder… Actually, it was a great amount of weight but she was still tense and nervous.

When she woke up panting and sweating, visions of her torturers still fresh in her mind, her first impulse was to ignore the dream, roll over and accept that she wasn't going back to sleep. Accept that the tears would dry eventually and she'd move on with her day as usual; especially once the trembling stopped.

But she did something different. She threw the blankets aside and crept out of her room and into Santana's room. Santana was curled in her bed, sleeping soundly and Rachel felt bad just standing there, worried about waking the girl. However, when she turned to leave, the floorboard creaked and Rachel turned around just in time to see Santana's eyes shoot open.

The Latina glanced around the room groggily before her eyes narrowed on Rachel standing there, her face streaked with tears and trembling. Santana didn't speak, instead, she scooted on the bed to make more room before she lifted the covers for Rachel to crawl in. Rachel hesitated but crawled under the covers and almost immediately, the Latina wrapped her arms around Rachel and basked in the warmth and comfort. She felt so safe and secure in Santana's arms; like nothing could possibly hurt her while the latina held her close.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

Rachel shook her head but clutched Santana tighter and found herself being pulled closer as fresh tears began pouring. Santana kept rubbing her back and whispering softly to her. The sound of her heart offered comfort and relief to Rachel and the circles Santana rubbed on her back sent thrills of warmth throughout and it made her feel that much safer.

"I'm sorry I woke you."

"Rachel?" Santana said seriously. "I told you to wake me when you have a nightmare and I'm glad you did. I mean it when I say wake me whenever you need to. I want to help and I will."

With those words, Rachel gripped Santana a little tighter before drifting to sleep, basking in the warmth and comfort Santana's body offered.

Rachel woke up sometime later to the sound of Santana softly breathing against her ear. She smiled and nuzzled a bit closer, seeking more warmth; her heart soared happily as she felt Santana's arms tighten around her waist.

Rachel found herself so comfortable that she did something she hadn't done since she was really little. She ignored her usual morning routine and allowed herself to fall back asleep in Santana's arms, nuzzling closer to the Latina's warm body. In her sleep, Santana wrapped her arms tighter around Rachel and sighed contently.

When she woke up again, Santana was awake and running her hands through Rachel's thick hair. She couldn't be bothered to open her eyes, she simply nuzzled closer until she felt the Latina's chest vibrate from a chuckle.

"Comfortable?"

"Very."

"Want breakfast?"

"Does it involve moving?" Rachel asked, far too comfortable to think about moving.

"Yes," Santana chuckled.

"Than no."

Santana laughed but pulled the diva closer, long enough to kiss the top of her head before she continued playing with her hair.

"They told me they'd hurt anyone I cared about if I helped corrupt the 'good people like themselves' with my family's gayness. In my nightmare, it was just hurt my fathers but now, they hurt you and Kurt too."

Santana froze, but after several seconds, her embrace around Rachel tightened and Rachel found herself sinking into the now protective and soothing embrace.

"I hate myself for being scared," Rachel cried. "I really hate myself. I shouldn't be afraid but I am."

"You have nothing to hate yourself about. Absolutely nothing."

"But I…"

"Nothing, Rachel," Santana repeated, leaving no room for argument.

That afternoon, Santana got up to go to the bathroom and upon seeing Kurt sitting on the couch, she gave a jerky nod before gesturing for him to stay quiet for now. But she saw the look of relief and validation on his face. But it was the concern in his eyes that made her sigh sadly.

***LINEBREAK***

Weeks had gone by and Rachel wound up in Santana's room every night. Every night Rachel would check to make sure Santana was fine with her crawling in bed with her and every night the Latina would pull her in.

They had also begun spending a lot of time together. When Rachel was having a bad day, she would find Santana and curl up and just talk. They talked about nothing and everything. Slowly, Santana found out more about the attack. It had been Karofsky's cousin who had committed the crime. The night Rachel revealed this had been after a particularly violent nightmare and she had clung to Santana so tightly that the Latina almost couldn't breathe.

Sometimes Rachel would reveal her fears, her nightmares or just general stuff about the attack. Sometimes she would go to Santana to think about anything but the attack. She'd ask about Santana's life, her family, her friends, her interests and her dreams. Santana enjoyed telling the little diva about herself because she could tell Rachel was genuinely interested in what she had to say.

Sometimes she'd ask Santana about dating and dealing with people who were homophobic while on a date. How she dealt with the looks and comments. She'd asked what it was like to ask someone out and then actually go on a date.

"Well, its a bit trickier with girls because a straight girl will accept thinking its to hang out," Santana had explained, watching as Rachel looked nervous but refrained from chuckling before Rachel moved on and asked about dinner. "You pretty much have to outright say its a date."

But what remained the same, was Santana was always there when she needed her at night and always welcomed her into her bed with a warm smile on her face. Not once did she give Rachel reason to believe she wasn't wanted in there.

That night, Rachel hadn't bothered waking the Latina, she simply crawled in and wrapped her arms around Santana whose eyes opened just long enough to confirm the intruder's identity before giving Rachel her usual warm smile, wrapping her arms around her waist and falling back asleep with Rachel's head nuzzling her neck because she always slept better when she could feel Santana's heart beating.

The next morning when Rachel was getting dressed, Santana went in and sat on the bed and watched the diva zoom back and forth across her room.

"Santana?"

"Mmhmm."

"I'm ready," Rachel said with a deep breath as she pulled on a pair of pants. Santana looked up from her nails and did a double take before she stared at Rachel thoroughly confused.

"You don't even have a shirt on. I'm sure that's a violation of just about every school dress code in this country," Santana said, laughing at the idea that Rachel was ready… Ready for what? She sure as hell wasn't ready for class or… anything that involved the public. Maybe a strip club but even they required shirts from those who weren't on stage.

Rachel flushed and pulled on a shirt but shook her head.

"Not that. I'm ready to… say that… I'm gay." Rachel watched as Santana's jaw dropped for a second and suddenly she found herself feeling very self-conscious under the look Santana was giving her. "You said to tell you first and I… oomph!"

The intensity of the hug caught Rachel so off guard that she actually staggered back and nearly fell over.

"This is… I'm so proud of you, Rachel! So proud! We are going to celebrate tonight. I'm taking you to dinner and don't even think about saying no!" Santana said as she hugged Rachel tightly and enthusiastically. "This is such a big step. Oh, I need to go plan. Dress nice tonight!"

Santana dashed out of the room beaming so proudly, you would think Rachel had just announced she was graduating early and accepting her first Tony instead of simply announcing that she was gay for the first time. But after all this time, to finally say it out loud, she found that she felt better and so much weight lifted off her shoulder. It was as though this was the first time she had truly accepted herself and it was amazing.

***LINEBREAK***

Santana was actually surprised by how blown away she was by Rachel's admission today. They had both realised she was gay and they both knew they knew but to hear her say it out loud today after dealing with the nightmares and trauma and fear; Santana just couldn't contain her excitement and pride for the young diva. This was a very big deal and it told Santana how far the diva had come.

When Rachel said it, she hadn't been expecting it and the fact that she had remembered Santana's request to be told first… Actually, Santana was surprised that Rachel had decided to tell her first instead of her fathers. That honestly made her feel quite excited and glad. It told her just how far their friendship had come.

_She told me first. She actually told me first. _

A few years ago, she would not have been Rachel's first choice to come out to. In fact, in high school, Santana would have likely only found out if Rachel announced it to the Glee club or if she'd seen the diva necking a girl… Most likely Quinn Fabray. She had seen the way they looked at each other sometimes.

This was a testimony of how close they had gotten but that wasn't a surprise. Every night, Rachel ended up in her bed, curled in her arms. Sometimes she was trembling and crying, sometimes she was quiet and other times she wanted to talk but it was always her arms she would be wrapped in and as much as she hated seeing Rachel in such pain, she found herself enjoying Rachel's company. In fact, she found herself sleeping _better_ when Rachel was curled up beside her.

But tonight was going to be a night of celebration because this was the biggest step Rachel had taken since the day Kurt had stupidly decided to confront her and she was so proud of her little diva.

***LINEBREAK***

"Let's go, Rachel," Santana said, holding out her arm for Rachel to take. Once Rachel had hooked their elbows, they made their way to the beautiful Italian restaurant down the street. Rachel had given up veganism upon arriving at college; something about either eating vegan for half a week or sucking it up and getting to actually eat for an entire week at a time. Turns out the vegan diet did not fit her budget but since, the diva had developed a serious LOVE for Italian food. Chicken Alfredo specifically. With bacon pieces and cheese baked on top.

And Santana had actually remembered.

She smiled as she sat at the table which was set beautifully with nice plates, candles but no menu.

"I hope you don't mind but I already ordered," Santana said with a smile that caused a pleasant stirring in the bottom of Rachel's stomach.

The waiter came with two plates of Fettuccine Alfredo with grilled chicken and bacon pieces and a side Caesar salad; Rachel's favourite. But how had the Latina remembered the specifics? She looked up at the Latina with a wide, slightly flushed grin and found herself at a complete loss of words for what to actually say as her face flushed and butterflies swam freely in her stomach for a second.

The waiter came back and filled their wine glasses with white wine and Santana picked hers up and held it up, indicating she wanted to make a toast.

"To major steps forward and too many more beautiful steps towards recovery and a _very_ beautiful future of unimaginable strength and compassion," Santana said, causing Rachel to blush as they clinked their glasses together.

"And to the ultra-supportive Santana who made it possible. Seriously, I can't express how thankful I am for everything you've done and are still doing for me. I don't know what I did to deserve someone like you, Santana," Rachel said, holding up her glass and feeling her heart soar when Santana clinked the glasses together before standing up and pulling Rachel into a warm embrace. Being in that woman's arms was like returning home after being outside in the bitter cold; it was perfect. Even Santana's spicy but sweet scent was a beacon of safety for her.

Once they were seated again, they ate their food, while they talked about school, their friends from Lima and finally when the meal was finished, they sat at the table for a long time just chatting away about anything and everything.

By the end of the night, Rachel found herself completely engrossed in what Santana was saying and discovered butterflies began swarming her stomach whenever the Latina would meet her eyes and talk using a certain tone.

Butterflies were becoming more and more common around the Latina lately. She found herself flushing when she held her gaze and her palms would sweat and sometimes she would find her mind drifting to the Latina's mouth and wonder what it would feel like to press her lips against hers. The feelings now were even more intense.

It just made her enjoy the time with her even more.

The walk home was chilly and both girls realised they had not bothered to bring a sweater. Santana seemed fine but Rachel knew her teeth were chattering loudly, in fact, she wouldn't have been shocked if the chattered was heard across the street.

When the arm wrapped around her waist, she jumped until she felt herself being pulled into Santana's side and an arm wrapping around her shoulder; the motion caused Rachel's heart to race as her entire body seemed to react to the contact… Just like most nights but this was different. It was more public and… She couldn't bring herself to care. As Santana quickly rubbed her arm, Rachel found herself quickly warming but the fact that she was probably now blushing was helping.

That night when Rachel went to get ready for bed, she found herself wanting to skip the part where she went to sleep by herself and woke up and just go straight to the part where she falls asleep in Santana's arms because that was where she slept the best.

Before she realised where she was going, she crossed from her room to Santana's to find the Latina sitting up in bed with a book in hand and a small smile on her face; a smile which dropped in place for a look on concern when she saw Rachel standing there almost nervously.

"What's up, Rachel?"

"I was wondering if maybe I could just sleep with you tonight… You know, instead of going to sleep in my room and waiting for a nightmare because I sleep better in here and I…"

Rachel had been so caught up in her nervous ramble that she hadn't noticed the smirk on the Latina's face or the fact that she had put her book down and stood up until she took Rachel's hand and simply guided her to the bed.

"You don't have to ask, crawl in and snuggle up," Santana said, waiting patiently for Rachel to curl into her arms. Once Rachel was contently resting her head on Santana's chest, she realised just how right this felt and how much she loved hearing the race of Santana's heart against her ear… It also reminded her that she had never actually snuggled with Santana this was but she didn't appear to be upset by the embrace.

Rachel found that the embrace was like heaven for her and she was certain that her heart skipped several beats when Santana reached up and wrapped an arm around her waist to pull her closer and a hand began running through her hair.

"I love how safe I feel like this," Rachel said, looking into Santana's eyes which were looking warmly and affectionately down at her. The look brought a fresh swarm of butterflies to her stomach before she nestled back down.

"Good. We can do this again tomorrow if you'd like. It saves some time and I'll admit, this does feel pretty nice," Santana said, causing Rachel to sigh contently as she felt her chest vibrate with each word. It felt really nice and soothing and not just because the words made Rachel feel like she was in heaven.

"Okay. Same time?" Rachel asked, knowing how soft her voice was because of how comfortable she was.

"Absolutely," Santana said, planting a kiss on top of Rachel's head, resulting in Rachel nuzzling closer. Santana sighed and rested her head on top of Rachel's.

"We should go out to eat together more often. How about Friday?" Rachel asked suddenly, knowing she would never get tired of that place and the idea of going back there with Santana was beyond appealing… As was the idea of spending time _anywhere_ with her. Heck, she'd probably be happy scraping plates or watching medical shows with the Latina.

"As in a… date?"

"Well… I… yes? If you want it to be?" Rachel said, realising the idea of it being a date felt extremely right to her but by the way, Santana asked, she wasn't sure how the other girl felt about it.

"I do, Rachel. I just wanted to be sure. I can only imagine how awkward it would be for me to show up thinking we were on a date and you thinking it wasn't and I kissed you?"

"I'd let you," Rachel said without really thinking about it; too caught up with the idea of Santana's lips on hers to notice the look that had crossed the Latina's face. "I don't think I'd need to be on a date to want you to kiss me… I mean…"

However, Rachel didn't get the chance to cover up her slip up because she felt a hand cup her chin and suddenly the Latina's lips were pressed firmly against hers. Rachel's responses were automatic; she didn't have to think as she moved to make herself more comfortable so she could wrap her hands around Santana's neck and into her hair so she could deepen the kiss easier.

After a few minutes, they broke apart, both girls slightly winded and dazed by the kiss.

"Now, that is another thing I wouldn't mind repeating," Rachel said with a wide grin as she rested her head on Santana's shoulder and breathing in the scent from her neck.

"Mm, I agree. In fact…"

The next several minutes were spent kissing while the girls happily held each other close and enjoyed the new, foreign but almost familiar intimacy they were now sharing. For Rachel, it was everything she knew it would be to kiss the Latina. No. Of all the times she had visualized it, she realised the real thing was about a million times better. In fact, she was unaware a kiss could feel so good and so right. There was an urge to do more but it wasn't desperate because she knew Santana wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. But she had been thinking about Santana and kissing her since the Latina first moved in.

"I feel like this is a dream," Rachel sighed when they broke apart and she buried her face in the Latina's chest. She felt a hand work its way through her hair but she heard a chuckle.

"You been thinking about kissing me for long?" Santana chuckled as she kissed the top of Rachel's head and rubbed her back with a content, dreamy look on her face.

"Maybe," Rachel said, causing the Latina's eyes to pop open clearly this was not the answer she was expecting.

"How long?"

"Since you moved in," Rachel answered shyly, knowing she was a terrible liar, so the truth seemed like the best way to go.

"Well, for future reference, I would have had no problem if you had kissed me then… I might have had questions… lots of questions but I wouldn't have stopped you," Santana said. "Am I the first girl you've actually kissed?"

"No. There was a girl I'd make out with occasionally in high school. It triggered some nightmares and I'd get scared for the people around me but… She's the reason I started to realise I might actually be gay and after what happened, the idea utterly terrified me. But I realised I enjoyed kissing her far more than I'd ever enjoyed kissing Finn or any of the other boys… Besides… She was just as far in the denial closet as I was… In fact, we were both so deep in the closet, that it was like we were in Narnia," Rachel said with a laugh.

"Was it Quinn?"

"How'd you… Don't tell her I said anything," Rachel whispered.

"It's fine. I won't. As long as we're clear that if this proceeds, she doesn't get any more of your sweet kisses," Santana said, smiling as Rachel nuzzled herself deeper in Santana's chest.

"Why would I kiss her when I can kiss you?" Rachel asked as she looked up and ran her hands under Santana's jaw, only to be rewarded with several hungry kisses.

"So, you're a virgin?" Santana asked suddenly.

"Yes… Is that a problem?"

"No!" Santana said, staring into her eyes with a passionate expression. "It's just things are getting a bit heated and I wanted to know whether or not I'd be okay if things… progressed tonight. And I'm not because I do not want your first time to be a quick bang before we go to sleep because I'm too tired to make it every bit as special as it should be. But we should go to sleep now. I'm exhausted."

"Okay," Rachel said, once again nuzzling the Latina and sighing contently. "Can this be a nightly thing?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way. As you said, you sleep better in my arms," Santana said as she slowly began drifting off. "Can we tell Kurt tomorrow? He deserves to know and I don't plan to hide my feelings in this apartment."

"You'll be there with me, right?"

"Of course, Rachel. Always."

***LINEBREAK***

Waking up the next morning in Santana's arms in their new embrace was enough to make Rachel almost ready to squeal with joy as her stomach happily reacted to the way she could feel Santana's heart against her face. It was perfect and from her angle, she got a perfect view of the Latina's peaceful face and her beautiful, kissable lips.

Upon seeing the alarm was about a minute away from going off, she reached over and turned off the alarm before positioning herself so she could easily kiss the sleeping girls lips multiple times until a hand snaked itself into Rachel's hair and suddenly the kisses were turned into one long and intense kiss. Which was deepened further when Rachel licked the girls bottom lip and was granted access to her mouth.

"Mm, good morning to you, too," Santana said breathlessly when their need to breath overpowered their desire to keep kissing each other. "You know, I wouldn't mind waking up to that more often."

"I can arrange for that," Rachel said as she pecked the girl's forehead before snuggling down. "So, we're talking to Kurt."

"Yes and hopefully before he walks in to find us making out, so get up because otherwise, we'll do that all day long," Santana said, pulling Rachel out of bed with a smile on her face. Rachel wanted to pout but she was too busy grinning from ear to ear over the buzzing feeling on her lips from their kisses.

"Hummel! You up! We wants to have some words with you!" Santana hollered as they made their way into the living room and found Kurt sitting on the living room couch with a coffee and a fashion show playing but his attention was on Rachel and Santana who were now sitting beside him.

Rachel was now nervous and shaking as she clutched Santana's hand. But she knew she was ready to tell Kurt. She was nervous, despite knowing the boy pretty much already knew and she was merely confirming, but it was still something she hadn't said out loud much.

And she had to say this out loud. For herself. She wanted Kurt to know she had accepted herself and that she was healing from her traumatic past. Not completely healed but she was to the point where she could say it out loud.

"What's up, ladies?"

"Kurt… I'm gay."

Kurt's jaw dropped, clearly not prepared for the announcement as he threw his arms around Rachel.

"Oh my goodness! You've accepted it! I'm thrilled and not just because it means I was right. Girl! This is amazing. I'm so proud of you, Rachel! Now, we get to get you a girl… Now, I was thinking about it and…"

"Kurt! Santana and I are together," Rachel said, gripping Santana's hand tighter and feeling the Latina's free arm snake around her waist. Kurt's eyes went wide as he looked between the two girls and suddenly his face split into the widest grin Rachel had ever seen.

It was like Christmas had come early and he'd won the lottery and Barbara Streisand had announced she wanted him to perform with her. A wide smile took over his face as he began practically dancing in his seat with sheer joy and excitement.

"Oh my GOD! You two are together! I knew it! After all, Rachel's been in your room a few times or every night this week! How'd I not see this coming! Oh my gosh, you guys! This is amazing!"

"But Kurt, Rachel isn't fully ready to be out publicly, so please keep this to yourself. I want her comfortable," Santana said, knowing how it felt to be outed before you're ready and would do anything to spare Rachel that stress, especially given how vulnerable Rachel currently was. No, Rachel would come out to people as she was ready and not a second sooner.

"Now, we can kiss freely in the apartment," Rachel said, turning around and kissing Santana gently before snuggling into the girl's lap.

"Oh and Hummel, me and Rachel are going on a date Friday night… You might want to make yourself scarce," Santana said, looking into Rachel's eyes. "My girlfriend and I will want some alone time."

"No problem. I have no intention of hearing _that _ever," Kurt said, obviously forgetting all the times he'd subjected his roommates to hearing him do _that_ with some of his dates. Santana wasn't outright planning to have sex with Rachel that night, in fact, she wanted to push it off for a few weeks so she could plan something really special but she still wanted the privacy. After all, Rachel would only lose her virginity once and she wanted it to be a wonderful experience for her.

For now, Santana and Rachel were going to enjoy kissing each other and being in each other's presence.

Rachel's phone let out a ping and she opened the screen to reveal a text message from Quinn.

"Tana… Quinn is going on a date with Brittany… Is that a problem for you?" Rachel asked, feeling the Latina chuckle.

"Not at all. Is it a problem for you. I know you have a history with Quinn and all…"

"We were never serious. We just… had fun," Rachel said blushing. "The most we ever did _romantically_ was making out while we watched Star Wars on her couch while her parents were away.

"Same here with Britt; it was never serious. But I'm glad you and Quinn finally left Narnia," Santana chuckled as she kissed Rachel's cheek. Of course, last second, Rachel twisted her face and took the kiss with her lips instead, causing the Latina to laugh before cupping Rachel's face with her hands and kissing her deeper.

"Are we still going to Lima next week?" Rachel asked, looking in Santana's eyes, feeling her stomach warm pleasantly under the gaze.

"Yeah, why?"

"Can you come with me when I tell my dads. I know they'll be fine but I want them to meet you and I want you there…"

"I'll be there. Are you going to tell them… everything?"

"I think I need to. I want to," Rachel said, burying her face into Santana's neck.

"I will be there every second, holding your hand and supporting you through every word," Santana said, knowing how hard this would be for Rachel.

***LINEBREAK***

"Rachel Barbara Berry! Is there anything else you neglected to tell us!"

Rachel sat in her living room, clutching Santana's hand. She had just finished showing her fathers her back and finished explaining how it had happened and why she hadn't told them… and they were not pleased with her reasoning for not telling them because it was their job to protect her, to the other way around.

"I'm gay."

"Oh, sweetie, I knew that already," her dad, Christopher, said with a smirk on his face.

"You knew?"

Both Rachel and Rachel's daddy, Alexander, echoed their shock at the same time.

"You'd come home one day with lip marks on your face and lipstick all over your neck one night… And another night, I saw you kissing that Quinn Fabray in the living room. I didn't watch too long but I knew that wasn't the first time you'd kissed her. I was ready to hose you down," Christopher said with a smirk on his face as Santana looked down at Rachel with a wide, knowing smirk and Rachel flushed five shades redder.

"Yes, well… Um… Quinn Fabray is… That was in the past. This is about the present. Dad, Daddy… This is Santana Lopez, my girlfriend," Rachel said, causing both men to smile widely.

"Girlfriend? Nice to meet you, I'm Christopher and you know Alexander."

"You knew our daughter was seeing women and you didn't say anything?" Alexander said, looking at Christopher with wide eyes.

"Oh, hush. You know my views on outing people and that is what that would have been. I'm sorry I kept it from you but I am firmly about not outing our daughter. She came to us when she was ready. And I'm sure this is something we can thank Santana for," Christopher said with a smile.

Rachel had explained how Santana had been helping her with her nightmares and talking to her about it. She didn't mention the fact that she couldn't remember the last time she had spent an entire night in bed alone or the fact that it had taken her so long to simply come to terms with herself and she wouldn't.

"I helped sir but this was all Rachel. I simply gave her space and I listened whenever she talked about it. She needed to get her fears out," Santana said with a smile as she wrapped her arm around Rachel and kissed her cheek. "I hope you understand why she didn't tell you. I just found out a little while ago."

The talk that night was long, tearful, emotional but in the end, everyone felt better, everyone knew what was going on and everyone seemed better off, including Rachel who looked like she had just lifted a major load off her shoulders.

The girls went up into Rachel's room; the Berry men hadn't even offered the guest room because they knew Rachel and Santana lived together anyway so there wasn't much point. Rachel curled herself into her girlfriend's arms and kissed her face before finally landing on her lips.

"You did good, Rachel. I'm proud of you," Santana said, kissing Rachel's lips again with a gentle smile on her lips.

"Do you want to go to lunch with Brittany and Quinn tomorrow. They know I'm here but I haven't told them about me or us. I told them I might bring a 'friend' with me," Rachel said with a wink as Santana caught on to what she was saying.

"Sure, I'd love to come. Besides, I can't wait to see Quinn all mushy-mushy with Brittany," Santana said with a laugh as Rachel simply chuckled and kissed her lightly before nestling into her arms and falling asleep.

The next morning came and soon the girls were on their way to Breadstix for lunch with Quinn and Brittany.

Rachel went in first to use the element of surprise to their favour.

Quinn and Brittany were staring at the menu, giggling softly to each other as Rachel sat down.

"I thought you were bringing a friend," Brittany asked, after wrapping Rachel into a tight hug. Quin stood up and followed suit. There was no awkwardness because the two of them have never gone past feeling each other up and they'd never been serious.

"Actually, she's just in the bathroom," Rachel said, smirking to herself as Quinn's brows raised with curiosity. Back in high school, Quinn had figured out Rachel was gay and unlike the diva, she was willing to say it just not to any besides Rachel. She had tried to get Rachel to admit it but after a panic attack, she let it go.

"She?" Quinn asked, grinning slightly. "Do I know her?"

"Of course, you know me, Quinn! Mi Estrella, sorry for keeping you waiting," Santana said, kissing Rachel lightly on the cheek before sitting down next to her and wrapping her arm around Rachel's waist, causing Rachel to blush, Quinn's jaw to drop and Brittany to let out an excited squeal as she grabbed Quinn's hand.

"Quinn, look!"

"Y-you and Santana, Rachel? Wow! That's… wow! I honestly never saw that coming," Quinn said, looking between the two girls with a smile on her face as Brittany wrapped her arm around Quinn's waist and kissed her cheek, causing the HBIC to blush.

"Hmm, I never thought I'd see you and Britt together either and yet, here we are," Santana said slyly as Quinn flushed red but cuddled closer to Brittany regardless.

"Quinn, you were right. I am gay. And I'm dating Santana," Rachel said, feeling the Latina pull her closer. Quinn, however, had a smile on her face which quickly became a knowing smirk.

"Rachel, I knew you were gay. You made out with me more than you did any of your other boyfriends combined. You let me go further than any of them as well. Remember the choir room?"

"Okay, yes… Well we were lucky no one came in and saw us there without our shirts on," Rachel replied causing Santana to smirk. Santana knew the two hadn't had sex and she knew Quinn had touched Rachel's boobs but she didn't know it happened in the choir room.

"I saw them!" Brittany announced causing both girls jaws to drop as they turned to stare at the blonde with shocked expressions on their faces.

"You…. what? When?"

"In the choir room. I went to get my bag because I left it in there and Quinn and Rachel had their shirts off and they were kissing… And they were touching each other's boobs. I took a picture and showed it to Lord Tubbington… Thankfully he kept quiet," Brittany said, causing the two girls in question to blush deeply. "Don't worry, it was very hot."

"Santana, Rachel is my friend… You're my friend too but you better not hurt Rachel because I'll kick your ass," Quinn said, watching as Santana's amused smirk fell slightly as she nodded but the smirk soon returned.

"That counts double for if you hurt Britt, Q."

"Of course," Quinn said. "I'll let you go Lima Heights on my ass if I ever hurt Britt."

"You remember that," Santana said, happy to have used Quinn's threat on her. "Now, let's celebrate because my girl just came out to her fathers and now you guys… I want me some Breadstix and want them _now_!"

The waiter approached the table with a smile and upon seeing Santana sitting at the table, the smile died as the blood left his face.

He dashed towards the kitchen and his trembling voice could be heard asking whoever was in the kitchen for all the Breadstix they could offer up at that moment. Santana chuckled upon hearing the words 'code Lopez' followed by the sounds of the staff frantically moving around the kitchen.

"My reputation here lives on."

Later that night when Rachel and Santana arrived back to the Berry residence, they collapsed into Rachel's bed. It was almost midnight and they had spent the better part of the day eating and the rest of it at a movie.

Rachel smiled to herself. She felt so at peace and it felt so right to be in Santana's arms. The pair shared a kiss and Rachel felt so content and so happy in her arms. When Kurt had first approached her, she had been so angry with him but now, she was so thankful to the boy. She would have probably never come out if it weren't for him.

"Where'd you go?" Santana asked kissing between Rachel's brows.

"I was thinking about how happy I am. You made me feel safe and comfortable and I love you for that."

"You love me?"

"Yes. I do."

"Good," Santana said with a wide grin on her face. "Because I love you too."

It was that moment, that Rachel realised just how much she loved the girl beside her and the safety she got by being in her arms. She loved talking to her, hearing about her day, her family and everything... She wanted to learn everything she could about the sexy Latina who had her heart. But for now, she would just enjoy the feel of her lips and the beating of her heart against her ears like her own personal lullaby.


End file.
